Leading without the Douchebaggery
In all the years I have spent as an administrator, which is around 11 years at this point, I have met every administrator teachers hate. I have been the administrator teachers hate. In a world where the women do the work, yet somehow men dominate, can we really be surprised? Pew Research Center cites that 77% of educators are women, yet only 30% of superintendents are and only 56% of school principals. Can we really be shocked that they have it wrong?
Leading without the douchebaggery is really quite simple. It isn’t a complex formula. Instead it is centering humanity in the work that we do. Queen Gloria Steinem said, “Power comes from the bottom, not from the top.” The non-douchebag leader makes this the foundation of her work. She supports teachers first, over all other tasks knowing that they are doing the hard work of supporting students and families. When teachers have these foundational needs met, they find themselves prepared to sail treacherous waters in service of the work.
Too many women embrace patriarchy as their foundation. After all, the majority of educational mentors are men supporting women. Ask any cis-hetero woman her experience, and she will tell you that mentoring was more of a chore than a support in most cases. The problem is that women have embraced patriarchy as a way to survive and get to the top. Women who utilize these strategies are the women who find themselves most tightly wound and protective of their vulnerabilities.
What are the practical steps and applications then? How do leaders, male, female, and across the spectrum relinquish this path of leadership in an effort to embrace love, compassion, and empathy?
Relinquish Patriarchal Norms
While boundaries are necessary as a leader, relational capital is in getting vulnerable. A staff who see their leader as human will embrace her in all of her moments. Honest, transparency, and openness make it safe for the same to be reflected back. The idea that vulnerability is crying, beating of chests, and the sharing of “too much” is a centuries old stereotype (Omadeke, 2022). In the world of education, admitting that what we are doing is hard can breed a space where we share the burden rather than wrap ourselves in the untruth that it’s only hard for us.
Prioritize Relationships
As a principal and assistant principal, I did the same thing every morning: I set my things in my office then immediately left and checked in with every staff member. “How can I help you today?” is one of the simplest conversations we can have with our staff. Sometimes it is the smallest thing, like a door that won’t lock or a missing trash can. Sometimes, you find out more than you would otherwise have know about what the people you are serving are managing and how their lives outside of work are naturally pouring in to the walls of the school building.
Defend Your Staff
Angry parents, District Office, students; outside of heinous or egregious errors, your staff are never wrong. This doesn’t mean they aren’t, in reality. It just means that to those stakeholders on nearly every front, they are doing exactly what you asked. Coaching is a private endeavor until it can’t be. When your staff know you will go to bat for them in that way, they are willing to ride hard for the work you are doing int eh school building.
Don’t want to be a douchebag? Wondering if you are? The fact that you are asking that question is the first step to ensuring you are on the path to greatness and growth. The first step to authenticity in leadership is self reflection, and you have found an excellent place to start.
